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Saturday, November 24, 2018

Negotiating Our Self-Perceptions

It's a shame we rely on tests and quizzes to determine who we are.

I am a self-pr0fessed Facebook quiz junkie.  "What Color is My Aura?"  "Which great queen was I in a past life?"  "What state do you live in?"  "Can you identify these 60s TV shows?"  If the topic is something I can relate to in the slightest, I take the quiz, even though most of the questions have little relevance to my life.

Incidentally, my aura is green, I live in Texas (I have never been), I scored 49/50 on the 60s TV shows, and I was England's Elizabeth  I in a past life.  I feel bad for Good Queen Bess; imagine how fractured her soul must be with the millions of people taking this quiz!

My most recent obsession has been all the Meyers-Briggs inventories and how those results affect our daily lives.  "How do you handle stress based on your Meyers-Briggs type?"  You get the idea

The interesting thing is that I am pretty confident who I am.  At least I ought to be.  A week away from my 59th birthday, I am the most at peace as I have ever been in my life.  Sure, there are trifles, but overall I have been very lucky, or as I prefer to think, blessed.  For the most part, I am not too worried about what the masses think of me, and I seldom am concerned with making a good impression on strangers.  It's not that I don't care about what people think of me; it's just that I am general not in a place in life where the people I meet will affect my livlihood, or for the most part, my social life.  I am enjoy talking to people, but that's about it.

What brings me to this post is a blog post by Dr. Tasha Eurich on Dr. Eurich has a doctorate in organization psychology. She is an author, motivational speaker and consultant that works with career growing and corporate culture.  The post I read on Medium involves the value of first-impressions and how we as humans self-condition to expect rejection.  According to the research, people generally have higher opinions of us than we do of ourselves.  Ironically, according to Eurich, we almost all also tend to believe we are above average in many areas.  

" Most of us hold statistically impossible beliefs that we are above average in everything, from intelligence to attractiveness toacademic aptitude to job performance to driving ability."

 The contradictions both confound and amuse me.  While I don't think people will dislike me, I worry about not receiving the respect I feel is due, maybe because of gender or weight, past employment, or even my Appalachian heritage.  Hubris gets the better of me every time I meet people who convey the impression of superiority.  I don't feel inferior, but I worry folks will think I am.  The desire to make a supreme impression often tends to make one look like a jerk. If I meet Joe Average on the street, I have no preconceived notions of their expectations and come off like the friendly person I think I am.  

As I have become older, I have become more humble.  I realize more shortcomings.  As certain skills decrease I curse, but ultimately, I can laugh at myself.

Humility is an acquired attribute, one that comes with age and human experience. Soon I may not care in the least about respect or lack thereof.  I get closer each day.  Eurich"s research and skills are meant for the young that are still making their mark on the world.  Hopefully many young people will listen to her words.  They will be better, happier sooner if they do.

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